Thoughts on Forgiveness

As a child, I was compelled by my parents to ask forgiveness for offenses committed against my siblings. I was very rebellious, and usually repeated the required phrase in as saucy and sarcastic a tone as I could get away with. The make-up hug and kiss were harder to skew, but I did my best. A sad comparison to me, all of my siblings were much better at asking forgiveness, and giving it when I was forced to ask for it. However, my parents' training paid off even on their most rebellious and defiant child, and now even I earnestly try to forgive and apologize for my own wrongs whenever the Spirit prompts me... and when I know good and well that I need to... (not that I'm perfect at that or anything...)

Recently I've been pondering how important forgiveness and humble apologies are for any relationship. Christians can get angry, say hurtful things, hold onto grudges or nurse wounded feelings just like others, but if we allow ourselves to be humbled, sincerely apologize, and forgive the other person whether or not they apologize themselves, we could easily save a badly damaged relationship. I don't know about everyone else, but when someone hurts me, it is very hard for me to forgive them before they apologize... I do, and have, and will, but when they come to me and honestly apologize, it is as if the incident had never happened, and sometimes accepted apologies and renewed forgiveness create an even stronger bond than the one that was strained by the hurt.

I used to think that this verse applied only to angelic people who were never angered, and who could keep peace before an argument even started. I wrote myself off as being incapable of being a peacemaker when I was very young. Now I think that being a peacemaker has nothing to do with whether or not you started the problem, but whether or not you are willing to do everything you can to make it right later.
"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God." -Matthew 5:9

Thoughts like this I store up my "mental" hope chest... every time I put it into practice in my current life, I am, of course, trying to heal my relationships with my family members, but I am also storing up experience for married life. I think I have no false delusions about how very often I will need these peace-making skills...

~Lizzie

Lessons through pain

Well, as any readers who read this blog last year will remember, one of our cats got really sick with kidney failure and almost died. The doctors didn't think she'd make it through the night, so we went to see her thinking we were saying goodbye. But we prayed for her, and the next morning the doctors were amazed at how well she was doing. We took her home, and she started acting like her normal self... chasing her tail around, scratching on mirrors and generally making a sweet nuisance of herself.

But after a few months, she went back into a decline and died October 24. Not quite a year after getting out of the hospital.

It's amazing how much pain and stress it put our whole family through for the past year. Personally, it was a very hard time for me. I know she was "only" a cat, but she was definitely the sweetest one of our three (although also capable of being the most annoying...) and this was my first up-close experience of having to see an innocent creature suffering. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to be that close to a person suffering that severely (or worse).

It also put a good deal of strain on my relationship with God. I didn't and still don't understand why He "healed" her a year ago in the hospital just to let her suffer for another year and die of kidney failure anyway. Was it MY fault? Did I not have enough faith? Did we "undo" her healing by treating her with medication like the doctors told us to?

Or, the worst thought of all: did He heal her just to teach me all the hard lessons I learned this year watching her die?

Of the many lessons I've learned this year, the main two and the only ones I'm going to mention are these:
I've learned to trust God, no matter what. Even when it seems like there can be no possible good, I know that "all things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose." I don't have to understand what He's doing to trust Him.
The other thing I've learned is to tell God exactly what I'm feeling. He can handle my doubts, my fears, my pain, my tears and even my anger. And through difficult circumstances like these I can either turn my back on God, or use it to grow closer to him. And this life will seem so short compared to eternity that all the pain I feel in my entire life will seem less than the pain of stubbing a toe.

All these thoughts had been growing in the back of my mind, but the Jeremy Camp concert at the state fair was when it all came completely into focus and I had one of those mind-blowing moments of understanding. And that's when I finally let go of everything I'd been holding onto. Whatever else God may have done through one little cat for the rest of my family, I know He used the situation greatly in my heart, and I'm thankful. Even through the pain that I still feel, I can praise Him. He is good, and His mercy endures forever.

And even though she was just a cat, I believe Shadow is in heaven now, and I will get to see her again, just like all the Christian people that have and will get to heaven before me.

~Lizzie

Over the weekend...

We went Goodwilling! We were going to go yardsaling, but it rained. No loss! At Goodwill, we found two matching little corner shelves/bookcases, a large, rustic breadbox, a "Golden Pie" collection pie plate with a decorative recipe for peach pie on the bottom, a set of six lovely glass dessert plates (not good for company, but there are six people in our family to enjoy them) and an assortment of much-needed winter clothes for my little brothers. I also found two cute little heart-shaped wall-mount candle-holders that are going in my hope chest. I think that's where the "Golden Pie" plate is going too.

The little corner bookshelves were assembled and placed into two parallel corners of our dining room, and instantly filled with pottery pieces from my mom's Seagrove pottery collection.

The rustic breadbox is currently in use holding three loaves of bread and any opened chip bags, with plans for making it less rustic in the future... hopefully sometime this week, if the weather really is as nice as it's been forecast, I'll get outside and paint it white. And then Sarah has agreed to paint some sort of design and maybe a Bible verse on the lid.

Then, on Sunday, Mom altered some curtains we got at a yard sale recently and I attempted to mount the curtain rod... I've done it before, but these windows were higher and I was at a bad angle for drilling and screwing AND I had the really heavy corded drill/screwdriver because our two battery operated ones are both dead (*sigh*). My Uncle Joel kindly finished it for me. And now we have some cute green and white checkered curtains hanging in our breakfast room! They give it a bright, airy side-walk-cafe feel.

And since I know all my readers hang on my every word and live for my day-to-day life stories, I've decided to create suspense and not post pictures until I get satisfactorily clamorous pleadings.

~Lizzie

(Actually, I just don't have time to take the pictures yet... although I won't bother to post them without requests... =P )