My recent thoughts on courtship...

I was raised with the idea of courtship. Even when I was little, I knew that I wasn't going to have the typical "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship. When I was about 7, two of my friends in the neighborhood had boyfriends. And I didn't know WHY it was wrong, I just knew it was wrong. (Unfortunately, though, I decided that I needed to fit in, so for about a year I had a pretend "half"-boyfriend.)

As I grew older, I read many books on the subject of courtship, and formed my own opinions of what it should be. I understand the reasons against dating, the reasons for courtship, and now have several good reasons that I could have told the 7-year-old me why not to lie, and to even encourage my friends on a different path. But that is past now... there are so many things I wish I could change.

But then, I swung too far in the other direction. If it was "dating" then it was wrong and if it was "courting" then it was right! And I had two very specific ideas of how courtship and dating would be (even though I have never experienced either one) and I don't know what I would have called some relationships, because hardly any fit into my tight little molds.

Finally, I am arriving at what I hope is a correct perspective. I believe that whether you are courting or dating, there are three important points of distinction.

If:
1. You are heading towards marriage
2. You are careful not to emotionally wound the other person (if at all possible)
3. You keep God at the center of your life and relationship

.... then you are courting, no matter what you call it.

If you're just in a relationship for temporary fun and are ready to "dump" the other person as soon as you're tired of them (a week or 3 years later) then frankly, I don't know how you can have God at the center of your life and relationship... but even if you do, what you're doing is dating.

It's interesting to be getting to the age where people fairly close to my own age are getting married. Sarah Garner is the first in my life. (And she is a few years older than me, and someone I've always looked up to -- like when she told us to stop throwing teddy bears on top of the ceiling fan, right, Anna? =P). I think she and Michael have a great story, and it broke away the last remnants of my "this is how it has to be" mold.
It took me long enough, but now, I finally understand that everyone is different, and even if everyone in the world courted, not one of them would have the same story as someone else. I know, that should be obvious... I'm just the kind of person who misses the obvious on first glance.

So, even though I have no idea how my story will go, I have come up with what I think is my ideal... although I doubt it will actually happen that way. I really just want to be friends with him, whoever he is, first.

I'm really excited about all the stories I'll get to see with my friends' relationships in the coming years. And of course, I am eager to know what God has planned for me. I don't think my story is going to be opening up any time soon, though... I don't know if it should feel this way, but the older I get, the less ready I feel for marriage. Maybe it's like Aslan said in "Prince Caspian": "If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been proof that you were not." =P And in that case, I need to feel even less sufficiently ready!

~Lizzie

P. S. My thoughts came together pretty quickly! ... I'm not sure how coherent they are, though. =P