My recent thoughts on courtship...

I was raised with the idea of courtship. Even when I was little, I knew that I wasn't going to have the typical "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship. When I was about 7, two of my friends in the neighborhood had boyfriends. And I didn't know WHY it was wrong, I just knew it was wrong. (Unfortunately, though, I decided that I needed to fit in, so for about a year I had a pretend "half"-boyfriend.)

As I grew older, I read many books on the subject of courtship, and formed my own opinions of what it should be. I understand the reasons against dating, the reasons for courtship, and now have several good reasons that I could have told the 7-year-old me why not to lie, and to even encourage my friends on a different path. But that is past now... there are so many things I wish I could change.

But then, I swung too far in the other direction. If it was "dating" then it was wrong and if it was "courting" then it was right! And I had two very specific ideas of how courtship and dating would be (even though I have never experienced either one) and I don't know what I would have called some relationships, because hardly any fit into my tight little molds.

Finally, I am arriving at what I hope is a correct perspective. I believe that whether you are courting or dating, there are three important points of distinction.

If:
1. You are heading towards marriage
2. You are careful not to emotionally wound the other person (if at all possible)
3. You keep God at the center of your life and relationship

.... then you are courting, no matter what you call it.

If you're just in a relationship for temporary fun and are ready to "dump" the other person as soon as you're tired of them (a week or 3 years later) then frankly, I don't know how you can have God at the center of your life and relationship... but even if you do, what you're doing is dating.

It's interesting to be getting to the age where people fairly close to my own age are getting married. Sarah Garner is the first in my life. (And she is a few years older than me, and someone I've always looked up to -- like when she told us to stop throwing teddy bears on top of the ceiling fan, right, Anna? =P). I think she and Michael have a great story, and it broke away the last remnants of my "this is how it has to be" mold.
It took me long enough, but now, I finally understand that everyone is different, and even if everyone in the world courted, not one of them would have the same story as someone else. I know, that should be obvious... I'm just the kind of person who misses the obvious on first glance.

So, even though I have no idea how my story will go, I have come up with what I think is my ideal... although I doubt it will actually happen that way. I really just want to be friends with him, whoever he is, first.

I'm really excited about all the stories I'll get to see with my friends' relationships in the coming years. And of course, I am eager to know what God has planned for me. I don't think my story is going to be opening up any time soon, though... I don't know if it should feel this way, but the older I get, the less ready I feel for marriage. Maybe it's like Aslan said in "Prince Caspian": "If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been proof that you were not." =P And in that case, I need to feel even less sufficiently ready!

~Lizzie

P. S. My thoughts came together pretty quickly! ... I'm not sure how coherent they are, though. =P

I feel like blogging something...

But unfortunately, I don't feel like I have much to say. I could announce that I FINALLY got to clean my room yesterday. But unless you saw the wreck that was my room, you won't care. The few of you that did see the catastrophe are probably rejoicing... and perhaps doubting that it actually happened.

I could also talk about my recital/performance/play/life schedule that starts tomorrow, but that usually gets boring... I suppose I could try it in a different format than usual though. If you don't want to know my schedule, then skip the bullet points. :P

• Tomorrow: Dress rehearsal for You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown and the Lighthouse graduation (Sarah's playing in the band.)
• Sunday: Possibly church, voice recital (eeeeek.)
• Monday: Swimming, dance class picture day.
• Tuesday: Dress rehearsal for dance recital
• Wednesday: Just swimming... but it's not too late for something to get added...
• Thursday: Again, just swimming... but I feel like there's going to be something else.
• Friday: First performance of YAGMCB.
• Saturday: Dance recital, second performance of YAGMCB.

I'm glad I wrote it out... if only for my own sake, because now I think maybe it isn't too awfully busy... the stress makes it feel pretty crazy though. I constantly think I'm forgetting something... or maybe SEVERAL somethings. :\

I've also been debating if I should do my own love/marriage/romance post inspired by Sarah (Garner's!!!!) wedding. It has set me on an interesting morsel of thought since last Saturday, but I can't decide if I want to try to make my thoughts coherent. Or if anyone would even want to read it if I did. (... just in case you didn't catch it, that's your cue to make your wishes known... ;) )

And now, I feel that there's something I should be doing... I must go try to not stress over whatever it might be.

Oh, and don't be surprised if I don't post for the next week. =D

~Lizzie

In Honor of Valentine's Day: My Take on Love

I love a lot of people: God, my family, my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ, and all the people in the world. And someday, I hope to love one special someone that God has planned for me.

So anyway, I've been thinking about WHY I love people. I came up with several side reasons, which I will share for your benefit.

I love God because He loved me enough to send His son to die for me (and also, being three-in-one), died for me, and now lives inside me.

I love my family because when you're stuck with people long enough, you eventually decide love is easiest form of coping. (Just kidding! I love you guys because of all your special traits, and because you tolerate me better than anyone else! :P Okay, I'm incapable of being serious... let's leave it at, I love you guys because I do. Don't worry, I'm getting to a point.)

I love my friends because they're my friends. (Yeah, I'm going with simplicity. Don't be offended. I command you.)

I love my brothers and sisters in Christ, not only because the Bible commands us to love one another, but because we share a common bond in our love for God.

I love the people in the world because I believe "neighbor" ("love your neighbor as yourself") means anyone living on this earth.

And it hit me, that I chose to love all those people. True, I have my reasons. I have reasons that I love my family better than the random person on the street. But it isn't an uncontrollable emotion like a puffy pink cloud that can dissipate or turn into a rain cloud. And that's the difference between the love of a Christian (who has Christ's capacity for love "He first loved us" and "while we were yet sinners, He died for us") and the love of someone who "falls" in and out of love, and might not know any kind of love except love of self and romantic "love" (if it could even be called such).

This is a new idea for me, and I'm sorry if my thoughts are confusing. I'm trying.

I think on most levels, choosing to love isn't too difficult for most Christians to accept. God commanded us to love everyone, to love our brothers and sisters in the Lord, to love and respect our parents. And you choose to love them by your actions, even when you may not feel a mushy love feeling (which is how you CAN love people all the time. Everyone knows you can't force the warm and fluffy feeling).

But, for some reason, I lose people when I talk about one day choosing to love my husband. You see, I'm not waiting to fall in love with a guy; I'm waiting until God shows me a man that is a God-fearing Christian of maturing character, that I can respect and honor, and who will love me as Christ loves the church. I don't have to fall in love with him, because once God says he's the one, I will choose to love him. I suppose this sounds very cold and unromantic to some people, but I've realized that on some level, you choose who you "fall in love" with, even if you don't realize it. Personally, I think it's more romantic to deliberately choose to love someone for the rest of your life, instead of just uncontrollably "falling" in love with someone. Love that is fallen into is shallow and easy to lose. Intentional love is serious and true, and models the love that God has for us.

Love is patient (telling your brother for the fourth time in a perfectly calm voice that his shoes are actually where they're supposed to be, which is why he can't find them under the couch)

Love is kind (doing the dishes, even though it's not your turn, because everyone else is busy)

It does not envy (even though your little sister has loads of talent in all areas and you don't)

It does not boast (even though you might have actually accomplished something noteworthy!)

It is not proud (unless you're proud of someone else. ;) )

It is not rude (even though that lady ahead of you is in the express checkout with WAY more than 10 items, and you just need to buy this container of ice cream that is freezing your hands off)

It is not self-seeking (which means that you know your friend would really like an ice cream sandwich, so you give her the last one, even though you'd been dreaming about it for the past 2 hours)

It is not easily angered (whether or not you just overheard someone tell a blatant lie about you)

It keeps no record of wrong (which means that you forgive the person who told that lie about you, and then get over it)

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth (Okay, this is the end of the examples...)

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(And for the record, all of my examples were fictional. Don't get any saintly or unsaintly ideas about me from them...)

By the way, I actually don't like Valentine's Day. I think (and if you haven't gotten this point yet, you need to reread my post) that you should show your love all the time, and Valentine's Day is just another day for Hallmark, candy stores, flower shops and jewelry salesmen to make more money.

Here's to real love, every day, all the time. Especially when you don't feel it.

~Lizzie