Romans 15:30-33

Mr. Henderson's sermon in church yesterday was on Romans 15:30-33:
"³⁰ Now I beg you, brethren, through the Lord Jesus Christ, and through the love of the Spirit, that you strive together with me in prayers to God for me, ³¹ that I may be delivered from those in Judea who do not believe, and that my service for Jerusalem may be acceptable to the saints, ³² that I may come to you with joy by the will of God, and may be refreshed together with you. ³³ Now the God of peace be with you all. Amen."

And one of the points Mr. Henderson made that stuck out to me was that Paul was begging his fellow believers to pray for him, and these were people that he didn't even know.

I don't know that I've ever begged someone to pray for me... I didn't need to beg though, because so far in my life, all I've had to do was ask. =P But I guess maybe Paul was begging because he was communicating through writing instead of in person, and since you can't see the person's responding in letter writing you want to impress your point more emphatically...?

Well, I have decided to beg for prayer for myself. If you've been reading my blog for at least a year then you've probably seen some of my posts where I rant, moan and whine about how confused I am and how I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with myself. It seems like every time I come up with a plan, I find a flaw, or I get scared, or I change my mind. The number of plans I have adopted for a mere day or two are too numerous to count.

The problem, I think, is that my main goal is to eventually get married. I don't know when that will be (if ever), so I'm trying to find some way of making money so that I can support myself if need be. Since I took piano lessons for 9 years, and devoted a good deal of time and work into becoming a proficient pianist, the most obvious option is something involving piano. I really enjoy teaching... I have a few beginner students that I am teaching out of my home.

So, assuming that I will do something with teaching piano, the next obvious step would normally be going to college for piano pedagogy. My problems with college are that I have no desire to learn all the extra required things (like math, science, psychology or other things that colleges may require for degrees) or to spend 4 years of my life learning all of that when I could be teaching for those 4 years. Nor do I wish to leave my family.

However, I know that I lack the ability to teach students any more advanced than beginners, and I wouldn't want to have such a limitation on myself forever. As of yet, all my students have left me before they got close to intermediate level (and maybe that says something about my teaching skills...) and right now I am restricting my advertising to beginners.

My plan for this year (as I've mentioned recently) is taking up lessons again myself (I stopped for a year) and "apprenticing" with my new piano teacher to learn from her how to teach better. Today was the first day that I did the apprenticing, so I'm not sure how it will continue to work out, but today I taught two early intermediate students without her supervision, and I was hoping that she would be supervising and more of teaching me to teach than just giving me a student and saying, "Okay, go." So I'll see how that goes...

But as to future plans, I have begun reconsidering college. Meredith is a good option because it's so close that I could commute, but I don't want to have to do all the non-piano/music things that Meredith requires for a degree. Campbell (as far as I can tell from their websites) requires less non-music classes for a degree, but is just far enough that I would need to live on campus (but could come home on weekends).

The thing is, I think of teaching piano as a temporary option. I am hoping and praying that God's will is to fulfill my deepest desire of being a wife and mother, and if I teach piano after I get married, it probably won't be much. So if it is God's will for me to get married, should I spend 4 years going to school for piano? What if I end up getting married right out of college and don't use my expensive education for anything besides teaching my own children? But then, what if I never get married and my only support is teaching piano lessons for the rest of my life? Wouldn't it be better to go to college and be a skilled teacher so that I can support myself more easily if I'm a confirmed old maid?

So, to condense all that, my prayer requests are:
For God's continued guidance
For Him to give me wisdom
For me to have joy and contentment no matter where I am
For His will to be worked in my life (hopefully including a husband and family ;) )
And through wherever my life path takes me, that He will shape my character and use me to His glory.

Thank you for praying for me!

~Lizzie

ilazy-blog

So I did this on Facebook, then I saw Jessica did it on her blog..... so why not?? :D This is sooo my type of blogging. ;)

Step 1: Put your iPod on shuffle

Step 2: Post the first line from the first 20 songs that play no matter how embarrassing
Step 3: Bold over the songs that someone guesses correctly
Step 4: Looking up the lyrics on any search engine is totally cheating and that's not cool. (I trust you guys. :P)

1. She turns like the ocean she tells no emotion

2. Stoplights breakdown we cry last try worlds collide time to decide

3. Ill-M-I, Ill-M-I, Ill-M-I, Ill-M-I and you Illuminati comin' thru - I'll-M-I - tobyMac

4. There's a fracture in the color bar in the back seat of a parked car

5. She never slows down she doesn't know why but - Stand in the Rain - Superchic[k]

6. When he was seeing her you could see he had his doubts

7. I walked the line leave it all behind I've been waiting forever - Everything You Ever Wanted - Hawk Nelson

8. If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of then "cool" is just how far we have to fall - I'm not Alright - Sanctus Real

9. I'm a brand new man, I'm a conscious man I'm a man who's burnin' for you - Burn for you - tobyMac

10. I just wasted ten seconds of your life - Crayons can Melt on Us for all I Care - Relient K

11. I found You in the most unlikely way really it was You who found me - Remembering You - Steven Curtis Chapman

12. I know you keep a journal and every page in rippled - Atmosphere - tobyMac

13. Rain falls outside I think the sky must know whats happening tonight

14. Everyone I know needs love like drugs

15. There's a cross on the side of the road where a mother lost a son - We Live - Superchic[k]

16. You got me feeling so fly there ain't a day that goes by - Feelin' so Fly - tobyMac

17. I'm as eloquent as an elephant I'm as headstrong as the Mighty King Kong - Eloquent - Sanctus Real

18. You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

19. I hope it snows this week, a snow flake on your cheek

20. I made you promises a thousand times, I tried to hear from heaven

Random

I ordered a Creative Zen MP3 player. I recently decided that I wanted an iPod, but I talked to my dad about it and he said that he didn't think it was wise for me to spend $200 on an already outdated iPod (I was looking at the nano). So I looked for some cheaper options. The Zen that I decided on is $80 ($120 cheaper!) with 2GB, an extra media slot (for more space, if desired) and FM radio among other things. I actually like its features better than the iPod features, and I came out of the deal $100 richer (I got a case that was $20).

I'm excited about the upcoming arrival of my Zen for another reason. My mom recently found this site which offers FREE audio books! You can download them and listen on your MP3 player. I've already got a list that I want to listen to.

The meet Tuesday went pretty well. The team was really small, and we basically crushed them, so it was sad (to me). Plus not as much fun. It's more exciting when it's closer. We won 300-something to 100-something. I got some nice pictures though (I'm sure you're all tired of pictures [OBVIOUSLY, since I haven't gotten much of anything in the way of comments.... *sulks* Just kidding :D] but you'll just have to deal with it.)

Nat, my friend's absolutely adorable little sister.

Sarah, taking a pic of me taking a pic of her. :P

Jess and Kara

From closest to furthest: my little bro, David, then Will and Chandler.

Our 15-18 free relays. We had no competition, so our girls team swam the boys team. (Courtesy of Vic.)

We're actually a little ahead! (We still lost. Why do boys always win? Don't answer that.) Also courtesy of Vic.

Kara and I (and Kara's pizza! Haha.) Courtesy of Jessica.

Kara, me and Jess. Courtesy of my sister, Sarah.

Will's totally awesome tatoo. His brother did it with a Sharpie... I wanted one, but there wasn't time. We plan on forcing them on the whole team for the TSA Championships this Sunday.

On a more serious note, I have a big decision in the near future. The fall registration for piano is coming up and I'm considering quitting. This would be a big change for me, since I've been taking lessons ever since I was 8. I will, of course, keep it up. I will always love to play, but I'm quite certain that I won't be going to college and majoring in music, and I'm taking from a teacher that specialized in preparing students for college, and as such, she is rightfully somewhat expensive. I am content with the level of expertise that I have achieved, and I don't think it's necessary for me to go any higher since I'm not going to college. So all the signs seem to be pointing towards quitting lessons. Anyway, if you feel like giving me your advice, I will listen (read....) and I would greatly appreciate prayer for wisdom and guidance.

~Lizzie

Deception and frustration

3 years ago it seemed harmless enough. I was a rising freshman, going into high school (which really means almost nothing when you're home-schooled) and everyone wanted to know what college I was going to go to, and what I wanted to major in. My mom had already suggested that if I went to college, maybe I could go to Meredith and live at home. So when the first well-meaning inquisitor asked where I was going to go to college, I though, "Well.... I MIGHT go to college. I guess I should say 'Meredith.'" So I did. This question was followed by "What are you going to major in?" For nearly a year I managed to hold off answering this question by just shrugging and saying, "I'm not sure." Finally, I answered the question by blurting "Music." And ever since then, that's been my story, and I've stuck with it (and been stuck TO it).

I successfully deceived everyone... including my parents and siblings. My mom was talking to my piano teacher and happened to mention my college plans... and my teacher was thrilled. For 2 years now I've been preparing to fulfill this lie. And now it's become such part of my life that I'm not sure how to get out of it. I've never wanted to go to college, I love music, but I don't want to major in it. I do have a dream, but it's one I've never felt able to share. Even now I'm scared to share it, even though I know many of my friends probably share my dream. As a matter of fact, I can probably continue writing this paragraph for hours just to postpone confessing what my dream is. I could even switch over to a paragraph whining about how my dream isn't very well accepted into our modern American culture. But I think I'm just going to say it.

I want to get married, and have at least 13 kids. Not after college, not after a career. That's it. That's all. Just a wife and mother. For some reason I'm cringing even as I type this, wondering what kind of responses I'm going to get.

Over the past 2 years of my deceiving everyone, I justified my deception by convincing myself that even if I did just want to get married and have kids, logically I should go to college anyway. I mean, lots of people don't get married. I certainly don't want to be stuck without a job if "Mr. Right" never shows up, do I? No. But do I really need to go to college? My dad has offered to help me start a home-based business, an idea that I'm really excited about. I just have to think of a good business idea (yes, I do have one in mind, and we'll see how it goes....)

So I've finally decided that I'm not going to college. So I 'fess up, and apologize for all the lying and tell everyone who asks about college what my new decision is, right? No, I'm a spineless wimp who can't even say I'm not going to college. Just today, I finally yanked up my courage and.... told my piano teacher (the one who was so thrilled to learn that I was planning on majoring in music) that "I'm not going to go to college next year...." So naturally, she asks what I'm going to do instead. "Um..... dual enrollment at Wake Tech." Liar, liar, liar!!!!! At least this time it was an idea that I THOUGHT about (but have since dismissed).

And perhaps the worst part about all this is the lie that I'm stuck in this lie. At any time, I can confess and apologize to everyone. I might disappoint some people (Sarah is sadly disappointed that I'm not moving out and going to college. She wanted to paint our room.... and I won't explain how she wanted to paint our room because I always explain it wrong. Maybe she'll explain it) but it's the truth... and maybe "the truth will set you free" works in this instance too. (Yes, I know it's out of context.) So what I've really got to do is just confess this to everyone. Anyway, it's not their life, is it? It's mine, to use as God wills. And right now, I'm just lying about it. That can't be God's will.

Oh, I'm soooo frustrated. But at least I'm no longer confused about what I want to do; just what to do about this lie. Hey, isn't there a Veggie Tales about lying? I think I remember a purple creature with blue polka dots that got bigger and bigger until Junior confessed his fib. I definitely have one HUGE fib here, and it's sitting on my shoulders...

So anyway. If any of you feel like praying for me as I untangle myself, it would be much appreciated.

~Lizzie

33miles

My new favorite band! I just got their self-titled CD, and I LOVE it!! The songs are so encouraging, and really pertain to my life and everything I'm going through right now.

My absolute favorite songs on the CD (click for lyrics) are:

Stand Amazed
There is a God
Thank You
This is Now
The Best Man (can't find links to these 2, so lyrics are below.)

This is Now

You were all alone
You were constantly broken
You felt so unloved
You were left abandoned

What a difference love can make
To the deep heartbreak back then

This is now
This is hope
This is the end of a longing
The beginning of a road
To a change
Where everything around you no longer falling down
This is now
This is now

You're allowed to dream
You can think of tomorrow
And you can say goodbye
To all of your sorrow

That's the difference love can make
To the hurt you've held within

This is now
This is hope
This is the end of a longing
The beginning of a road
To a change
Where every chain around you no longer has you bound
This is now
This is Jesus

What you've been waiting for
So open up
Hear the words
Your life is lost no more

This is now
This is hope
Beginning of a road
Where every chain around you no longer has you bound

This is now
This is hope
This is Jesus
This is now


The Best Man

I have always dreamed
To be that superhero
To fly right in and somehow save the day
And I have always wanted
To be more than I could be
But seem to fall and somehow lose my way
But the day your love stepped in
Was the day my life began

Chorus:
Cause you make me shine
You make me soar
You make me everything I never was and so much more
You give me strength
You let me stand
I don't have to move a mountain
But I know I can
Cause you make me the best man

Even through my weakness
You know who I am
And you give me amazing grace that I don't understand
There are no words
That could ever describe
The glory of, the beauty of you in my life
Because you gave your love to me
I'm the best that I can be

Chorus

I will never be the same
Cause you have changed everything
From the man I was to the man that's standing by your side

Chorus

Anyway, I just wanted to recommend this CD. It's really good. I like to listen with music that has a good beat (because I have a tendency to fall asleep if it's too calm) and it's really cool when you can find songs that are upbeat, but also have serious messages that make you think.

Anyway. Back to schoolwork. (I'm doing school this Monday! Yay.)

~Lizzie

Do Hard Things

Alex and Brett Harris's new book, entitled "Do Hard Things" arrived in the mail today. I eagerly began devouring it, and it wasn't long before I got one of my intense revelations. Okay, so it wasn't really intense. But it is kinda disturbing.. to me anyway.

Just in case you don't know who Alex and Brett Harris are, and maybe the book title is giving you ideas of hanging by your toes or drinking a gallon of mud, let me give you some background. (You can also check out their blog The Rebelution.) Alex and Brett Harris are twin younger brothers of Joshua Harris, the author of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," "Boy Meets Girl" and other such helpful books. As explained much more eloquently on their blog, they discovered some very interesting ideas about those of us who are commonly called "teenagers."

Our culture today expects very little good of us. Most teenagers are expected to be irresponsible and childish, interested only in having fun. We are completely capable of behaving like the adults that we physically are, but we don't. Why? That brings me to my point. Ready? No....? Seriously? Whatever.. I don't care if you're ready or not!

We live up to what is expected of us.

Really, we do. Fortunately, most of us who are home-schooled have diligent parents who DO expect us to behave like adults. Or at least better than the average American teenager. But I've sidetracked from my point. .... what was my point? Oh, yes.

My revelation. My expectations for myself have dropped sadly in this past year. And actually, (not to try to place the blame on someone else, but....) I think it's mostly due to the Chemistry class that I've been in this year. The whole class started off with fairly good grades, if I remember correctly. But somehow we've slacked off terribly. All of the tests for the rest of the year are going to be open-book. I'm not trying to brag about my grades or anything, but I've never ever gotten a 76 before that I remember..... and I got a 76 on AN OPEN-BOOK TEST. Don't tell me that isn't pathetic. That is so far beyond pathetic that I can't even find a word to describe it.

I'm not blaming it on the teacher. It's really my fault, I'm certainly capable of getting just as good grades without him expecting it of me. I just haven't been expecting it of myself. I even stopped doing the homework. We have class tomorrow, and even now, with almost all of the homework still left to do, I'm writing a blog post about how low my expectations of myself are. No kidding.

And not only have I slacked off my Chemistry, I've slacked off almost everything else. My piano practicing has completely died. I haven't practiced AT ALL in nearly 3 weeks. I did worse than I've ever done before in my piano competitions this past winter. My math grades have been sloping almost as bad as Chemistry. My room (which I'd actually been keeping clean!) has gone back to the mess that it's been for most of my life. I've been staying up late, and sleeping in to disgraceful hours. I have a script that was supposed to be memorized before Christmas break and I've memorized a grand total of one scene. It's all my fault. I AM capable of doing things that aren't expected of me, but naturally it's so much easier if they are expected of you.

So, "Do Hard Things" has nothing to do with unnecessary pain or stupidity, but everything to do with requiring of yourself things that are hard, but beneficial. Like it's going to be really hard for me to drag my grades back up, practice piano, go to bed early and get up early, memorize my script, keep my room clean, and various other things that I need to do. But I'm going to do them, and proudly be one of the "teenagers" rebelling against the low expectations of our society. And I honestly can't believe how sad my list sounds.... I should already be doing all those things, and not thinking twice about it! Man, I have sooooo much work to do.

And just so all of y'all know, I refuse to be called a teenager. *shudder* What a degrading term....

~Lizzie

Good news and bad news....

So the good news is that my ankle was a lot better this morning! The bad news.... it hurt to swim but I swam anyway because I really wanted to swim the 1000 yds of free that Coach gave us, and now my ankle is hurting really bad. Again. And I'm definitely stupid enough to try to swim tomorrow too. Even if it almost kills me. :P It's the last day of water polo before spring break! I HAVE to swim....

School is horrible right now, as is typical of school in the spring.... and winter.... and fall. And definitely summer, if you're like me and somehow manage to drag out the torture and make it last almost all year long. This year I might be able to keep from doing math during the summer... but probably not, since as soon as I finish this book, I can start the next one! Yay.

I'm extremely excited about all my new piano pieces. I've got a lot of really fun pieces this year. My teacher just gave me one today that is called "Cat and Mouse" or something like that. Sadly, I think the mouse gets caught in the end... but it's still cool! :P


~Lizzie

Getting nowhere real fast.

*warning: this post might be somewhat similar to my last post, and therefore may be somewhat depressing. Do not read if you have a history of heart problems or chronic depression, and ask your doctor, etc...*

Those of you who are so unlucky as to be somewhat close to me probably know how I've been back and forth a million times about college. "I'm going. Not going. Going. Definitely not. Absolutely! Heck, no..... Sure. NO!!" (Fortunately I don't have the added worry of trying to think of where. I'm actually almost positive that IF I go to college, I want to go to Campbell University.) I feel like I've been running for my life, and I stopped to catch my breath and realized I'd been running in circles and spent all that energy for nothing. (Hey, maybe I've got some serious muscles from all that work..... =P)

And possibly worst of all, I can't think of anyone I can commiserate with because almost everyone I know (or at least everyone I've had a chance to ask) seems to have it all together. They know exactly what they want and they're going for it. I can't even run a straight line. I think I need to go back to preschool.

So when people ask me about college, do I say, "Well, I'm not even sure that I want to attend a college"? No. I'm a liar and a scaredy-cat. I have my automatic responses. As soon as those well-meaning people ask about my college plans, I rattle off my top 3 and recite my major. Campbell, Meredith and UNC-G; Piano Pedagogy. (For those of you who may not know, pedagogy is specifically for teaching private lessons, distinct from Music Education, which is teaching a music class, generally in a public or private school.)

So if I've lied to you, I apologize. For right now, I'm completely lost and confused, and I'm just going to sit here, gasping for breath in my little dust cloud and wait until I KNOW I can run straight before I get going again. Maybe I'll even try to figure out why I was running.

Three good things that have really been driven home (even deeper than before) by this time of my life are these: My God is an AWESOME God, (Thank Him!!!) He reigns, and He has given me the greatest parents ever. Even while I'm wasting my time worrying and being stressed, He's using it all for my good. Wow, just typing that was like a fresh breeze blowing away my self-created dirt cloud and lifting me back to my feet!

~Lizzie

Poll Comments.

I share Jess's opinion on not getting to know what people voted on polls. So if you voted on our poll and you're feeling particularly generous, please share what you voted.

Some somewhat related news..... the white team won today! (Woo!!)

Sorry, I'd post more, but I'm sure you don't want to hear how stressed I am about the sea of piano competitions surrounding me, or how much school work I should be doing right now and those 2 things are taking up a lot of my time.

Hurriedly (lol),

~Lizzie

Sometimes I fantasize...

... about throwing my piano up against the wall. Never mind that it's way too heavy for me, or that it's my fingers' fault that I'm making mistakes - it would be such a satisfying feeling. Or at least, I imagine it would be. When I'm sitting on the bench right after I memorized a part that I just wasn't getting.... and then mess up the memory on another part, the only thing that keeps me from loosing my sanity is envisioning my piano crashing through the wall and splintering on the patio outside. And then I immediately feel guilty. I love my piano.... I'm just horrible at playing and it drives me crazy. And the next 4 Saturdays of my life are going to be spent advertising my inadequacy.

And I doubt my negative attitude is helping, so now that I've vented my frustration .... *breathe in* *breathe out* *hum* *I am a great pianist* *hum* *I will play memorably and marvelously* *hum* *I will be pleased with my performances* *hum*

Well, it's not working yet. :P (And I don't believe that *that* will.) If anyone out there has an extra minute and feels like sending a little request to the Almighty God of heaven and earth on my behalf I'd be most appreciative. =D

Now hopefully I've learned the valuable character-building lesson that can be derived from this: Don't procrastinate. If you have 10 pieces to memorize it's best to memorize first off.

Sadly though, I don't think I've learned the lesson yet, because this is what happens to me every year before competitions.

On a happier note: I LOVE THIS WEATHER! I hate when it's freezing cold outside but we don't have any snow. This warm weather is so thrilling. Especially since it's February. It's such a rare treat. I wish it could stay...

Enjoy the weather!!

~Lizzie