The Homeschooled Review

I started a review blog! I decided that I should because I do so many reviews on here, and I actually would like to do more, but I always think that I do too many as it is. Especially since I get so many complaints for my negative reviews... and lots of my reviews are.

So anyway, this is the address: thehomeschooledreview.blogspot.com

If you would like to write to it, just check out the guidelines I posted in the introductory post. Yes, that is an obvious ploy to get you to look at the blog. And also save me typing it all out again. Or just copying and pasting it...

I'm excited!

~Lizzie

Mansfield Park...s. All of them.

I have now seen all three versions of Mansfield Park, and having also read the book, I am qualified in my opinion of the book having never been done anything close to justice in movie form. The version that came closest is fairly old, with bad coloring, horribly unattractive characters and a Fanny that rather annoyed me. Then there was the newest version aired on TV with slightly more attractive actors and actresses, but not as close to the book as the old version (which, despite it's other faults, was certainly diligent in following Jane Austen's storyline). And then there's the version we just watched tonight. Besides the fact that I have a lingering annoyance for Frances O'Connor from her performance in "The Importance of Being Earnest," the screen writer managed to mutilate Fanny's character enough by herself. Not to mention obviously being a feminist and mutilating the entire movie.

I wish Andrew Davies would do a Mansfield Park. He's done my favorite versions of "Sense and Sensibility," and "Pride and Prejudice," and I really liked "Northanger Abbey," "Bleak House," "Wives and Daughters," and "Emma." (Although my favorite version of "Emma" is still the one with Gwyneth Paltrow.) If only he would do "Persuasion" and "Mansfield Park" then one could have an entire Jane Austen movie collection that are almost equal to her novels.

There is hope...

~Lizzie

Mice, ideas and new-found goodies.

I think I will go in reverse order of the title so that thoughts of the rodent and the idea won't obscure the yumminess of the cream cheese brownies I've discovered. No, I'm not taking credit for the recipe, only for finding it on the internet. :P

Here's the recipe from one of my favorite recipe sites, "Joy of Baking" - Cream Cheese Brownies (link). Theirs look better than mine I think, but I can never get my food to look like a piece of art. That's Sarah's specialty. I've made three batches of these brownies so far, and the first time they came out of the pan very well without the aluminum foil (we try not to use aluminum foil in baking because it cooks into the food); I just buttered it very well. For some reason though, the second two batches didn't work out so well. They stuck pretty badly. I'm blaming it on the strange sugar I had to use. It refused to dissolve and made the batter very wet and sticky. We've really enjoyed these brownies though (even the sticky ones with crunchy sugar). This is the first time I've made something where I ask if anyone wants some and even my parents say "Yes!" with hopeful eagerness.

And as for my idea, I've been thinking about doing a review blog. I really enjoy reviewing books and movies, and I get criticized for posting my reviews on my own blog, so I figured if I start a blog for that purpose it'll be better accepted. And then, if it ever happens to be big enough that it could actually be a job (with which I could somehow extract money from people), that would be nice. Probably not though, with the current economy. So anyway, I will be thinking on that. And if anyone is interested in being a writer, just send me a sample review. ;)

I hate mice. It's like my cat knows this and intentionally catches and brings into the house more mice than is natural for any cat. She even takes up the slack for our other two cats who are remarkably less interested in small animals. She doesn't look malicious, does she?

*sigh* So just a few minutes ago she came inside a dropped a mouse and then went back outside. We have our broom/trashcan/scream method all worked out. Except this time we were trying to decide if we should let Shadow (the kitty with kidney problems) have a fresh... treat. *gag* And Mom was holding the broom on top of him while we tried to decide to sweep him into the trashcan or somehow let Shadow eat him without him running all over the house... and decided on the the trashcan, but apparently the mouse had already smothered. *shudder* *cough* *shudder*

*grimace* So... I can't leave you with that... ... I bought a new purse today.

It was on sale, and I just couldn't resist. I really like it. :P

~Lizzie

MI2

Well, Jessica, I think you would have liked Tom Cruise's hair. It was kinda long, and very shiny and swishy.

Mission Impossible 2 was ridiculous. Note to self: when Daddy says a movie is awful, it really is. However, the reverse is not always true... think 2001 Space Odyssey. If you haven't seen it, DON'T!

I don't think it's even worth going through everything that was lame about MI2. It was a good movie to watch in the middle of the night when you're exhausted. Just be sure that there's someone really hyper to wake you up for the action parts.

And if anyone has seen it, we should do a spoof where everyone attempts to rip a mask off of everyone else's faces before they speak. It's like, the secret handshake. Directions: grab cheek or hair and pull. But don't pull too hard, in case it isn't a mask.

~Lizzie

Prince Caspian, Take Two.

So we bought the DVD. (Couldn't resist.) And just watched it again. First of all, the cover is making me sick. It looks so Disney. Sarah even pointed out a sprinkling pixie dust. HOW is that related???

So, with the second watching I've already resigned myself to the fact that they ruined almost everything. (For a more complete review, you may check back to my original post: Prince Caspian) But this time I was actually a little more annoyed with it. I remembered liking Ben Barnes' (Caspian) acting, but this time it struck me as lame. Sometimes he's okay, sometimes... not. And I noticed several phrases from the Pevensies that seemed too modern even for London in the early 1900's, and especially for Narnia.

My disgust and abhorrence for Caspian and Susan's romance has only increased. But now I think more that Caspian doesn't deserve Ramandu's daughter. He and Susan are perfect for each other. Too bad he can't go back to London with her and be replaced by a cooler Caspian who can act.

They've dumbed it down til it's just like all the other greasy cheeseball Disney movies. As a matter of fact, I gagged over so many of the lines this second time that I saw it that it almost equaled High School Musical for gag-worthiness. It's all Andrew Adamson's fault. I despised and loathed Shrek so completely and instantaneously that I didn't even finish watching it. And THAT was the man honored with the responsibility of taking a literary work of art like Narnia and making it a movie? Ah, my feelings require an overly cheesy and dramatic exclamation... "Narnia is about to be annihilated!" *sobs*

Thank goodness for Michael Apted! I'm hoping and almost praying that Voyage of the Dawn Treader will manage to overcome the reputation of its precedors and be more than just another slimy, idiotic Disney movie.

Sarah and I watched the credits. Please don't ask me why, we usually watch the credits in movie theaters, and we watched the credits tonight. Anyway, I noticed some very amusing titles that people were credited with. For example: "2nd 2nd assistant director." Yes, that's two "2nd's." And: "'a' camera 2nd assistant camera." Others were prop-buyers, "2nd payroll assistant" and chaperones. All listed in the credits. Oh, and they also mentioned that the piano used for that production was a Steinway maintained by Steinway and Sons, London. Which I thought was cool. Apparently they actually had a piano... for the music recording I guess. I should watch the credits again and see who the artist was that played the piano.

And now I will avoid watching Prince Caspian.

~Lizzie

Elsie Dinsmore

The Elsie Dinsmore books by Martha Finley were very popular amongst Christian homeschool girls back when I was younger. I even knew a guy who read them. I've read them several times over the course of my life, and my impressions each time were very interesting.

The first time I read them I was 8. I thought Elsie was amazingly perfect. The way all the "good" people treated each other was sickeningly sweet, and the "bad" people weren't too awful. They actually came up with some pretty funny remarks.

The next time I was about 10. I noticed that Elsie actually wasn't perfect; there were at the most, two instances where she was slightly less than perfect. Their interaction with each other were still so sweet as to be sickening, but the "bad" people seemed worse.

I read them again when I was 14. By this time I realized that Elsie definitely wasn't perfect, but still close enough as to put me to shame. Strangely, the the over-use of "dearest" and "darling" in conversations was only becoming more unpleasant for me, even as I realized that Elsie wasn't as good as I'd originally thought, and that the "wicked" relatives were worse than I'd previously thought.

I thought when I'd read them at 14 that I'd probably already changed my opinion as much as I ever would, but I just began reading them again this week, and my opinions have continued to change. Elsie, far from being perfect, really has some pretty petty and childish moments. She and her father are very prejudiced against the "lower class," and while they are kind, they avoid contact unless to preach the gospel. This is particularly annoying to me as I would qualify as the lower class in their million-dollar world. Their frequent use of endearments annoys me even more than it did 3 years ago.

Besides that, their slaves do everything for them, and in one book Elsie admits that she's never so much as put on her own shoes and stockings, and they proclaim themselves tired after something as ridiculous as a carriage ride! And Elsie, as a grown woman, is requested by her father that she not carry her own child! A baby! And I know many 9-10 year old girls who quite frequently carry 2-year-old's with little difficulty. They are pathetically weak, susceptible to disease, and, dare I say, lazy!

The final straw has been this fourth book. Perhaps I will be able to recover some of my former interest in these books, but right now my Southern pride is aroused. They are supposed to be southerners, but they hide in England for the duration of the Civil War, chiding the South for attempting to succeed, from across the Atlantic Ocean. The Civil War was, as some people don't know, actually over state's rights. The federal government was becoming too powerful, so some Southern states decided to leave the Union. I wish the South had won, I think our country would be in a much better position today if they had. I'm completely disgusted with Martha Finley for creating such awful characters.

I can't read them any more. I wish I'd left the Elsie Dinsmore books as a pleasant childhood memory. Perhaps I can erase my memory of this reading and remember it as I did: a fairy-tale story of a little girl too perfect to be real.

~Lizzie

By Popular Demand

Here is a review of a movie that I like! Unfortunately, like all realistic people, I can't help not being *perfectly* pleased, but nevertheless, the enjoyment of this movie outweighed the slight flaws of a little flat acting and a bit too much preachiness.

Time Changer was a really good movie. As a Christian movie, it definitely has a 'B' movie flavor, but they did a really good job making their point interesting. Russell Carlisle is a young professor at a Bible college in 1890, and has written a book that he is hoping his colleagues will endorse. The other men must all unanimously agree to endorse the book, and only one refuses. Dr. Anderson has a slight disagreement with a statement in Dr. Carlisle's book. A seemingly very slight disagreement, which frustrates Dr. Carlisle, as his publisher is anxious to print, and is asking for the endorsement as soon as possible. Dr. Anderson invites Dr. Carlisle to his house to settle their differences.

Upon arriving at Dr. Anderson's house, Dr. Carlisle is sworn to secrecy, and then introduced to a time-traveling machine. Dr. Carlisle doesn't believe that time travel is possible, but Dr. Anderson gives him instructions about the "new world" he will be in, and persuades him to stand in the portal. Dr. Carlisle is transported to 2000, amid some outdated special effects of lightening flashes, and glittery particles left behind floating to the floor.

In 2000, he realizes what Dr. Anderson intended for him to realize: his statement that teaching good morals without Jesus would be beneficial to society, particularly if the people in the society don't want to hear about Jesus, is wrong. Without Jesus' authority, morals mean nothing. He confronts a little girl who stole his hotdog: "Don't you know stealing is wrong?"
"Says who?" Demands the girl as she runs off, having relinquished his hotdog.

He runs into many more shocking things, including an immodestly dressed mannequin, people kissing on TV, God's name being blasphemed in a movie and people in a church being uninterested in the service and more interested in all the activities (among which include going to the blasphemous movie).

After meeting a Christian librarian who helps him with some "research", and a "good" laundry owner named Eddie, Dr. Carlisle prepares to go back to 1890. He visits the church and gives an inspiring message about the culture. Then he stops by Eddie's laundry and gives him a Bible (written in his own language, Spanish) and shares the gospel. On his way back to the alley where the time machine will beam him up, he notices that he's being followed by two cops in the church who have been suspicious of him. They demand an explanation just as the time for his departure is arriving. He has time to tell them that Jesus is coming back and that he was a messenger before the time machine collects him. "Dude, I think we just missed the rapture" one cop mutters as he disappears.

Back at home Dr. Carlisle revises his book and finds a little boy he reprimanded in the beginning of the movie. The young boy tried to steal some marbles, and Dr. Carlisle told him it was wrong; now he tells young Roger about Jesus (and gifts him with a bag of his own marbles).

And thus the happily-ever-after-the-end.

Please be aware that I expect uproarious praise for finally posting a positive review, and certainly do NOT want to hear any criticism for the first movie I selected. I realize that those of you that had issues with my opinion on Eagle Eye will probably disagree with the principles portrayed by this movie, however, the point was that it was a positive review. And I really did like the movie. So there.

~Lizzie

*shudders*

I watch movies to escape real life. I DO NOT watch movies to see the hero killed right after the heroine finally gives in and admits to loving him. That was probably the worst movie I've ever seen in that respect.

I have two main rules for entertainment: 1. The good people always live happily ever after and 2. The bad people either realize the error of their ways, or are punished for their misdeeds and rendered incapable of interfering in the happily ever after of the heros and heroines.

Now I'm depressed. Is entertainment supposed to make you depressed? I DON'T THINK SO!

~Lizzie

Never watch trilogies..

Pirates of the Caribbean, LOTR, X-Men .... all started out okay/good and ended terrible. It's like the producers go, "Ah, I know, let's sucker some people in with 2 great movies and then bum them out with the 3rd. If we all do it, they'll never suspect that we're intentionally disappointing them, they'll just think it was slump. And then we do it all over again with another trilogy. And what really great is that when the first movie comes out, they won't know it's a trilogy, so even if they figure it out, we can still grab them with the first movie and have them so hooked on the story-line that they'll watch the others anyway, even though they know that it'll be horrible."

The director of the Bourne trilogy messed it up though. He did an entirely good series and woke up the public, and now we can recognize horrible endings. I'm not sure whether or not to be grateful. Anyway, all that to say, *spoiler*

Never watch the X-Men series. At the end of the trilogy, the hero kills the heroine to protect humanity when all he had to do was give her a shot. And it would have been just as easy to give her the shot as kill her. It royally stunk.

I can't believe the ratio of movies I like to movies I despise.

~Lizzie

Ugh.

We just finished watching "Middlemarch." I usually like those "Jane Austen-y" type movies, but this one wasn't Jane Austen-y at all, although it pretended to be. It was about 6 hours of absolute torture, for a merely tolerable ending. For the first half, Sarah and I got so tired of it, that we were begging one of the characters to die. And every time the scene changed we would say, "Oh, he's dead! Aw.. no, he's not." He did finally die though, and we burst into cheers. We did the same thing with another character in the second half. A bad guy was going to let another man die, and Sarah said, "Oh, he's bad! But I'm glad he's killing that guy." All the characters were so annoying, I wouldn't have been sad to see the whole town blown up at the end. Or even in the middle to save me all that time. Better yet, right at the beginning would have been good. Or maybe even NEVER MAKING THE MOVIE. That would have been perfect.

I'm not sure what is about Jane Austen, but while her characters have flaws, at least there's something about them that makes me like them anyway. None of her characters are perfect. Except maybe Jane Bennet in Pride and Prejudice. But the people in this movie.... ugh. I didn't like any of them. I think Middlemarch might have just displaced 2001 Space Odessey for "the worst movie I've ever seen."

*chokes* Must see Pride and Prejudice.....

~Lizzie

WALL-E

This will probably do a number on my nice little facade of being a mature 17-year-old, but I have to confess.

We went to see WALL-E yesterday, and I loved it. Absolutely loved it. I didn't think I would, because the previews were so sad (please don't ask me how an animated robot can look cute and sad enough to evoke emotion) but it was really good! Even if it did ALMOST make me cry..... that's the really pathetic part. A Disney Pixar film for little kids almost made me cry.... *shakes head* But I guess that's how they make their money. All the mature people taking the little kiddies to see the movie like the movie too.

*Spoiler warning*
The problem? Earth was completely covered in trash, and all the humans are on a "cruise" in outer space, waiting for robots to clean it all up before they return. The hero? A lone robot - WALL-E - who is still cleaning up earth, with only the companionship of a cock roach (a CUTE cock roach). All the other robots have apparently stopped working, as you see when WALL-E visits a huge pile of other WALL-Es to borrow a pair of "shoes." WALL-E compacts trash into cubes, and builds huge towers out of them. At the end of a day of work, he goes home and watches Hello Dolly, obviously longing for the companionship he sees in the movie.

Then one day, a gorgeous white robot arrives in a huge space ship. He's immediately smitten.... and almost gets killed when she blasts him upon sight. She's looking for something.... he tries a various line of gifts to get her attention and approval, then finally breaks through and learns her name: EVE. Then a sand storm comes up and he takes her to his home, where he shows her all the neat things he's collected from the trash, the last of which really excites her. A plant. She puts it inside her internal container, and shuts down with a green light flashing on her panel.

WALL-E desperately tries to revive her to no avail. The ship that brought her arrives to take her back, and WALL-E rides along..... to the cruise spaceship, containing the world population, all as fat as beached whales and lying on floating chairs with TV screens in front of their faces. They've been in space 700 years, and they aren't interested in returning to earth. But the plant that WALL-E gave EVE is proof that earth is ready for rehabitation. The captain's interest is revived by the plant, and he researches everything about earth that they've forgotten over the 700 years and decides to go back.

But the robots on the ship are determined not to go back. They have their orders.... from the original cruise director: Never return. They try to destroy the plant and incriminate EVE and WALL-E. Just to skip all the boring stuff, EVE and WALL-E get the plant and take it to be evaluated by the ship. If it is a plant from earth, the ship will set a course back to earth. Just before they insert the plant, the co-pilot (a robot) intentionally crushes WALL-E into the stage with the receptacle that is supposed to identify the plant. The captain disables the robot (and learns to walk!), but WALL-E is already crushed.

The plant is identified, and the ship returns to earth, where EVE tries to repair WALL-E with spare parts. He works again, but doesn't recognize her. She tries everything and is just about to give up when he snaps out of it and remembers her. And they lived happily ever after; The End.

It really was a cute movie. My new Pixar favorite! I can't wait to see it again. :P

~Lizzie

Staying up late.... er, early....

We just finished watching "North and South" a movie based on a novel by Elizabeth Gaskell. It's something like a Jane Austen..... and I absolutely loved it. It's the first movie that's even gotten close to displacing Pride and Prejudice as my favorite romantic movie. I wish we owned the DVD so I could loan it to all my friends. Instead I have to emphatically say that you HAVE to see it! I would say something about the plot-line and what I didn't like (since that would be a shorter list than what I liked) but I don't want to ruin it for anyone. You just have to see it.

Anyway, just a quick post while I wait for Sarah to brush her teeth so we can turn out the lights. *drums fingers on desk*

~Lizzie

Prince Caspian

We saw the midnight showing of Prince Caspian (and the theater was almost empty! I expected more fans would be there for the first showing.) and I have now stewed over it long enough that I can write a lengthy opinion on it. Be warned that there are spoilers, and that my opinion is most decidedly negative, so if you haven't seen it yet and hope to enjoy seeing it, please don't read any further.

The very first moments in the movie began destroying Peter and Susan's characters. Susan is looking at a magazine when a young man introduces himself and says that he's seen her around the school that she attends. He asks her name and she lies, obviously in disgust of him. Lucy runs up and calls Susan just after she tells him that her name is Phyllis. Lucy came to get Susan because Peter is in a fist fight. Cops break up the fight, and Susan asks Peter what it was about "THIS time." And Peter replies that the person bumped into him and then demanded an apology.

Peter and Caspian have a very rocky relationship. Both seem to not like the other, and Peter is very arrogant and demands power. He seems proud of his status as "High King" and unlike in the book, seems to want to reclaim his throne, rather than help Caspian claim HIS throne.

Susan fights all during the movie in a very feminist manner, including dive-bombing the Telmarine castle on gryphons. I've never liked Susan very much, even in the books, and the way she was portrayed in both of the Narnia movies so far just disgusts me. I have a lack of respect for Anna Popplewell's acting and everything in the movie annoyed me. Especially how the romance between her and Caspian was played up. She kisses him at the end and I was nearly gagging. Don't get me wrong, occaisionally I enjoy romance, but this... ugh. Anyway. Moving on.....

Actually, not moving on. Now I have to rant about how the romance ruins Caspian before I move on to what else I hated about Caspian. I'm so mad that they made Caspian appear to be in love with Susan. Now I won't be happy in Voyage of the Dawn Treader when Caspian marries Ramandu's daughter, because it will seem like he's being unfaithful to Susan, even if she does drive me crazy. Augh, I can't believe how terrible this all is. I am SO glad that Andrew Adamson won't be doing any more Narnia movies!

So anyway, the rest of what I hated about Caspian. Oh, wait, changed my mind. What I liked will be a shorter list, and therefore easier to write. I actually kinda liked Ben Barnes' acting. Amazingly enough. But I didn't like him as Caspian. I like how he looked. He looks like I wanted Caspian to look. I liked his accent. And I liked when he meets Aslan for the first time, and Peter, Susan, Edmund and he are kneeling and Aslan says, "Rise, kings and queens of Narnia" and Caspian remains kneeling. That was cool. And that's all I liked about Caspian.

I absolutely loved Edmund. That's the good thing about this movie: as much as it made me hate Peter and Susan, it doesn't really matter because they aren't in Voyage anyway. Edmund was awesome. I loved that he helped Peter in his fight, even if the fight was stupid, and I loved when he stabbed the ice that the White Witch was in, and I loved his line after he destroyed the Witch to Peter "I know, you had it sorted" (Peter was gazing at the witch in spellbound stupidity). Skandar Keynes did a great job with his part. And I was ecstatic at the end when they included my VERY favorite line from all the books "Bother, I left my new torch in Narnia!"

Lucy still kinda irritates me. I don't like Georgie Henley. But I liked Lucy much better in this movie, and I anticipate liking her even better in Voyage. She was really cute when the Telmarine army was marching over the bridge of Beruna, and she stood at the other side with her tiny little dagger held up like a sword.

I'm wildly excited about Reepicheep!!!! He was sooooooo perfect!! I've never seen a picture in the books or anything that perfectly captured how I imagined him, but they really did it. He was exactly right. Absolutely perfect. (Infinitely better than the horribly huge costume in the BBC version... *choke*) Everything about him was PERFECT. And they included the bit about his tail, which I had been so scared they would leave out.

I hated that they had a battle at the Telmarine castle (which was a huge failure and made Peter look like an idiot) before having the battle after the duel. I liked how they did the duel. That was pretty cool. The battle afterwards was ridiculous though. There were hardly any Narnians and tons of Telmarine troops and yet somehow the Narnians weren't wiped out.

But as long as I just try to forget about everything that I hated, it's so nice to finally have the perfect image of Reep, and I really liked Edmund. So hopefully, Voyage of the Dawn Treader (which is my favorite book) will be good. I trust Michael Apted to do a good job. (You can't imagine my disgust when I found out that the director of 'Shrek' was going to do Narnia. I hate Shrek.) I think it's set up perfectly for Michael Apted to refresh the series.

~Lizzie

King Kong *spoiler warning*

Greatly against my wishes, my family decided to watch King Kong as our family movie today. I didn't even want to begin watching it because I know Kong dies at the end, but Sarah talked me into it, promising that I could always watch all of it except for the end and then create my own ending like I always do for movies that I don't like. So I consented, and tried to eat my pizza as the movie got worse and worse.

First creepy natives tried to sacrifice the girl (that NEVER happens in Jane Austen!) to Kong and then she escapes, and discovers a huge lizard thing that tries to eat her... but instead the lizard thing is eaten by a T-Rex. And then the T-Rex goes after the girl, and 2 more Rexes magically appear and then are fought by Kong... who just finished killing and injuring the rescuers. The surviving rescuers are in the bottom of a ravine, being attacked by huge spiders. Then ginormous cock-roaches appear. When slimy wormy things started attacking them and the cock-roaches plastered themselves all over guy that the girl is in love with, I decided that I'd seen enough. Read: I ran out of the room.

I did go back long enough to discover that the movie has a whole hour left! *shudders* Ooooh, I can feel the cock-roaches crawling on me. Augh!! There's nothing I hate worse than not finishing a movie. Even now with how creeped out I am, I feel the draw.... I'm being pulled downstairs... Ahhh!!! Help! I. Will. Resist. *deep breaths*

*cringe* I'm scarred...... *shudder*

~Lizzie

The Most Horrible Book Ever.

I finished the first book in the series that Sarah tricked me into reading (The Binding of the Blade). I hated it. With a passion. It was THE most devastatingly awful book I've ever read. I actually hate it more than I hate Pirates 2 & 3, and that's really saying something.


HUGE SPOILER WARNING: Only read if you don't ever want to read the books. (Highlight to read.)


The main character actually dies at the end of the book. He's murdered by one of his "friends" because he married the girl that his friend wanted. It was the most retarded tear-jerker book I've ever read.

END SPOILER.

I refuse to read the rest of the series. And now I'm going to mentally edit the story so that it goes the way I wanted it to. And then I'm going to forget about it.


Disgusted,

~Lizzie